Oh Noxema, how you hurt me so...
I remember the days when I was 10 and I thought you were the most interesting smelling jar of goop I have ever smelled. I would sniff you over and over again and never thought twice about what gave you that mysterious odor.
I moved away from home and never saw you again. I had forgotten about you for so many years. You had captivated me for so long, but alas, time moved on and you were forgotten.
I was shopping the other day and there you were, tucked away on the bottom shelf... happily on sale. I became so excited when I saw you and immediately held you up for all the world, or aisle, to see. My memories of us came flooding back and I couldn't resist the urge to smell you, just for old times sake. And before I knew it, we were together again.
I applied a dime sized scoop into my hand and began to use as directed. At first, you felt wonderfully cool on my skin. But then, well, I'm not sure what happened.
My face went from cool, to warm, and from warm to fiery hot. I immediately removed you, even though that's not what the directions indicated that I do. Even after I soaked my face for a full five minutes under the cold water, my face still burned like a habanero pepper. The rest of me, however, was freezing.
Did I wrong you, Noxema? I swear my mother is the person who single-handedly kept you alive and well, because I'm pretty sure she still has a jar of you in her bathroom. I think I will have to cut off our consumer/product relationship once again, because you turned out to be a really shitty friend who doesn't smell all that good anyways.
-Colleen
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